As promised...Suicide!

So I had promised a blog entry to go along with Believin’ Stephen’s Suicide music video on his jam “suicide”. In the Song we get to hear and understand what it is like to experience suicidal thoughts and Japhia Life tells the story of what it is like to be someone who has witnessed a loved one commit suicide. In African culture suicide is taboo and often seen as the coward's way out but I think many who are struggling with that level depression and sadness may see it differently.
This post for me has gained added meaning because of recent discussions I’ve had with a few people recently who are in the throes of despair and hopelessness. Furthermore reports of sky rocketing suicide rates particularly among police is alarming. I’ve started to wonder why so many of us are struggling with depression and suicide. On the surface for many things look great, varying levels of personal and professional success, bright futures but it’s all shrouded in an undercurrent of hopelessness. I wish there was a simple answer, but if there was so many of us wouldn’t be depressed, but if I had to venture a guess I think there are several factors that do feed in to the problem. (From my powers of observation no degree to back up what I’m saying) First it’s the breakdown of social structures in today’s society. Many of us young professionals really cite the workplace as the primary source of interaction. We all go to work and go to class or home Monday through Thursday, on Fridays we may catch drinks or an after work plan with the closest person around, the weekends are the time for quality time spent around people of you choosing and of similar interests and the like. The overall trend (a couple of people I know are different) is that very little time is spent with people of our choosing. The truth is with colleagues and the like we have to be professional, even in an informal setting you can’t be the “silly goofball” who thinks that farts are funny. You’ve got to keep a professional appearance for many it means you can’t quite be the same person you are around old friends and family. Part of being grown up is knowing who to be in which situation. We all wear different suits of self around different people and that’s part of human social survival. Modern life thus far has become that one “suit” goes worn for long periods. Personally I think that much of what gets to me comes from not getting to be the other selves more often. And many of the sad folk I know get very little time living a varied life, being the different versions of self that’s a healthy part of being human.
The second cause I think is passive living; the only time many are proactive is when we’re at work (or hol…never mind) the rest of the time is spent in pursuit of passive entertainment. Nairobi entertainment consists of TV and DVDs during the week and attending other people’s weddings and bars on weekends. People while away the weekend in anticipation of the week. Truth is we don’t do else other than chase paper. Many of the councilor types emphasize the importance of having a hobby or doing something purely for the enjoyment of doing it.
For Many depression is a lifelong and real struggle, and I’d hate for anyone to think that collecting stamps and hanging out with friends is a handy cure that will chase away all those feelings. The truth is I’ve understood with my personal struggle that there are times where it feels like nothing can be done, no time spent with friends and no time spent doing something I truly love can draw me from what feels like a bottomless free fall. But there are times when I can feel myself sinking into the cycle again to find that time with the right people or just doing what I really love can pull me back from the edge.
I arrived at the nadir of my struggle with depression in high-school (didn’t we all) when I contemplated suicide. I felt so hopeless that not only were my wishes and prayers were for death, but I had determined that I should make it happen. The mode for which this would happen was an overdose of a cocktail of drugs. I still remember doing a mock run where I combined all the meds I could get my mitts on and added dettol and bleach. I was ready for it end and I had set out a plan. What stopped me from doing it was a close friend’s personal struggle with suicide as well. In the depths of his own dark night he chose to confide in me and in turn probably save both our lives. I knew I could go without any problems but his life was far too important being one of those people I believed (and still do) could changed the world in powerful ways. Clearly I wasn’t in a position to let him do anything stupid so I had to stick around. To this day we still co-labour against soul engulfing pangs of depression but I’m thankful in that we have left the time of our demise to God. Till God decides y’all are stuck with me; sorry.
So how do we deal with it, there days I generally suck at dealing with depression, and it can be very easy to allow yourself to be overtaken by it for weeks and even months. But other times I got it handled. Regardless of whatever is going on time in the word and prayer. Reading through what other biblical and historical figures have had to deal with gives a bit of perspective. Turing off the entertainment is another strategy I use. Taking time out to actually deal with the issuehttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif head on, and giving myself time lines is helpful. Finally I’m thankful for having amazing people in my life with whom I share the load. Lol generally I try not to dump it all on one person lest they become overwhelmed but having people you can trust and who can commiserate is beneficial. Finally making time to be enjoy life by doing stuff I enjoy…Yet all this said you should know help is available particularly if you’re dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts, if you live in the US check the end of the video for some really important numbers out in Kenya…
Samaritans Kenya
AIC Building, Ralph Bunche Road
Off Valley Road
P. O. Box 49838
GPO 00100
Nairobi
Helpline 1: +254 20 3000378/2051323

I’ve got to give a big shout to Believin Stephen for dropping this video and opening his heart and to the crew who made this project so tight. I pray blessings on his ministry. People support the brother on Itunes, HCR download, and everywhere else.
Now I’m going back to the foolishness I normally post on the internet.